so help me God

when I was just a boy,
I thought I’d live and die
exhorting goodness, being through and through,
a protector of Innocence.

but as just a man,
I find myself losing Faith
in this world of sin—
promises of my crusader days
empty or broken.

now, I pray that I die not
having only been a hypocrite,
swinging like a hopeless pendulum
between self-destruct
and usurping.

Amen.